5 Ways to To Deal with An Envious Mother

In my last article, we explored healing your relationship with your Mother. In that article, we looked at how your mother treated you and how she interacted with the men around her helped define how you now think and behave in your own romantic relationships.

Often, healing the relationship with your mother can help you make a huge shift in what and who you look for in love and how you will navigate that relationship.

After exploring the 4 different types of mother’s last time, let’s cover the 5th type of mother:

#5 Envious Mother

A healthy, functioning mother’s whole world revolves around making sure her daughter is safe and happy. This is not the case for the envious mother. A child’s success will often activate hostility and contempt for this mom, leading to ugly and discouraging words and actions from her. If you heard your mom say things like “Someday, you’ll realize you’re not as good as you think you are”, then you may be suffering the after effects of your mom’s envious personality.

Rather than celebrating your accomplishments and taking action to boost your self-confidence, she acts as though you’re not such a big deal, especially to her. When you succeed, she feels as though something is being taken away from her.

Envy and jealousy corrodes what ought to be the most loving and special of all bonds – the mother/ daughter relationship. In turn, you may have grown into adulthood with a belief that good things in your own life may somehow offend, even harm, the people that matter to you most. You may long to please these people but do so at the expensive of your own achievements.

To add to this mix of confusion and chaos, a family with an envious mother can also create a Mother/ Daughter/ Father triangle.

When a woman feels insecure in her relationship with her husband, the arrival of a daughter can have a dramatic effect. Dad feels thrilled to have a little girl that he can lavish his love and affection on, leaving the mother feeling left out and neglected.

If you’re a daughter coping (now or from the past) with a jealous and envious mother, here are my 5 tips to help you shift your relationship:

1. Know It’s up to you now

Ultimately, you are the only one that can change the patterns and behaviors that were rooted in you through your relationship with your mother. You have everything you need to not only make your life different, but to be a different kind of mother to your own daughter.

2. Make the first move

Don’t wait for the other person to talk to you. Think about how you feel and what you can do to change. Be clear about your intentions and then act on them.

3. Communicate

Mothers and daughters tend to think the other one knows how they feel. Trust me, they don’t! None of us are mind readers so be clear and calm when you state your feelings or speak your mind. And do remember that moms tend to think of their daughters, no matter how old they are, as little girls — so moms, treat your daughters as adults, and daughters — show your mom that you are an adult!

4. Put yourself in her shoes

Think of your mom as a woman with her own wounds and hurts. She was born and raised in a different generation and with different values. She may have had difficult family relationships and issues of her own.

As a mom, see that your daughter is being raised in a completely different culture that you were brought up in. Peer pressure and the constant barrage of media messages can play havoc on a young woman’s self-esteem. Talk to her, build her up, and let her know you’re always available to her.

5. Set boundaries and respect the boundaries of others

Waiting to repair relationships after conflict can be difficult, and even impossible sometimes. If you set good boundaries for yourself, and respect the boundaries that others set for themselves, conflict is much less likely and, if it does arise, much easier to repair.

Are old wounds keeping you from finding true love? I have helped hundreds of women heal the wounds left by their mothers so they can open their heart to finding the love of their life. Want to be my next success story? (it’s easier than you think!) Check out my Queen of Hearts Service Menu and let’s set up a private call to explore what’s possible for you!

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