As solo business owner working from home, it’s easy for “cabin fever” to set in so I often jump at any opportunity to attend parties, network and be involved with the various women associations I belong to.
I truly love doing this because it exposes me to a large and diverse group of women – helping me stay closely connected with the real issues and challenges women are currently experiencing with men. The collective cry I hear from many women is: “Enough is enough, I’m ready to meet my man and he’s not showing up, what am I doing wrong?!”
I understand how frustrating it can be. You’ve been through enough relationships at this point to know exactly what you want. You want a man who is evolved, open to growing, respects you, can blend into your life/family/ friends, makes you feel safe and communicates his feelings. A real bona fide King.
If you’re screaming “Yes Kim! But does that kind of man actually exist??!”
Whoa, slow down my friend. I’m getting to that.
You see, great men do exist, but it’s possible that you may be getting in your own way.
Myself, I used to enter into relationships like an innocent, naive child. Every guy I dated I labeled “the one”. I remember bringing home each boyfriend and confiding to my mother “I know I’ve said it before Mama, but this guy is going to be the one I marry!” (my mother receives this ezine and I can hear her saying right now “that’s so true!”)
But, sure enough, a few months into it, I would suddenly realize I wasn’t getting my needs met and – BAM! – I would wake up, realize he wasn’t the guy for me and start planning my exit strategy. After doing much inner work, it became clear this pattern kept repeating because I didn’t feel worthy enough to ask for what I wanted from men.
The result of this was a disaster. My low self esteem kept running the show and would continually set me up to attract either emotionally unavailable men or turn perfectly good “princes” into frogs. I couldn’t figure out how it was possible that I could be an outgoing, confident woman in other areas of my life, yet in relationship, I fell apart and kept getting my heart broken.
This pattern scared me in a big way. If I didn’t learn how to heal this and raise my self esteem, I feared I was going to be left behind and never have access to the exclusive “happy couples club” all my friends belonged to.
After experiencing this in my own life and coming through the other side, I can easily recognize when this pattern is activated in other women. If you’re struggling in romance, I guarantee it’s because your self -esteem is running the show.
I didn’t start having fulfilling relationships with men until I stopped showing up like a naive child and instead entered relationships as a mature adult woman – a queen! I raised my self worth and learned how to love myself – giving me the confidence to communicate what I needed. Eventually, I became queen of my own heart and never looked back.
Today, I’d like to share part of an exercise I use with clients in my Divine Queen coaching program. If you’re feeling stuck in romance or experiencing low self esteem, this exercise will begin the process of shifting this for you and help you step into more of your own inner queen energy.
Exercise for Healing
Step 1. Take some quiet time and list out where “not good enough” has affected your past or current relationships. Resist the temptation to get down on yourself! Be objective and look where you have or are undervaluing yourself, compromised or made decisions from a place of low self-esteem/ not good enough and allow the list to flow.
Step 2. Once this is complete and you’ve listed out every conceivable time you’ve done this, take a separate piece of paper and write a letter of forgiveness to yourself. Remember, if you had different information you would have done things differently – you’re only doing the best you know at the time with the information you have so be kind to yourself, ok?
Step 3. Sign up for my next Feminine Power Workshop where I will personally coach you and lay out, step-by-step, how to be a supremely confident woman with men and wherever you go. Reserve your spot here today!