How to Deal with Envy, Jealousy and Comparing Yourself to Others

At times, you have probably compared yourself to other women – their looks, lifestyle, and smarts are just a few characteristics that we use to score ourselves against – and that will cause us to feel “less than”. Marketing campaigns targeted at women have certainly capitalized on this to get us to buy certain products or programs.

As much as you might envy the outward beauty of other women and wish you had what they have, you’ll be surprised to know that good-looking women often suffer with low self-esteem. This issue is hard for people to understand — these bombshells get a lot of attention from men and are the envy of other women. Sometimes it seems that things just come easier for attractive women so, why then, would a beautiful woman have a reason to not feel good about herself?

If you knew the truth about the inner-thoughts and feelings of physically beautiful women, you would think twice about comparing yourself or envying them.

If I’m describing you or someone you know, you’ll want to pay very close attention to what I’m saying here — and please understand that reading this may trigger some emotions within yourself and my intention is to help you without any judgement whatsoever.

Beautiful women don’t have it so easy

In my coaching practice, I find the better looking the woman, the deeper her challenges are in romantic relationships.

After a lifetime of being told how gorgeous you are and being hit on by men wherever you go, a belief developed that looks are all that matter to men. Who you are as a person is secondary when all the attention is focused on the exterior beauty.

When this happens, it becomes incredibly difficult to trust men because you think they are only after your looks. They aren’t interested in your personality, your intelligence, or the unique characteristics that make you “you”. This all leads to romantic relationships that tend to be more about attraction and sex than deep and meaningful.

In fact, when looks are the only focus, the card you tend to lead with, and play, in the relationship game is what I call the “Sex Card”. This is a card many of us used when we were young and not fully confident in ourselves and our discernment and self-esteem had yet to fully develop.

Raise your hand if you have slept around, dressed inappropriately, and went for the “bad boys” or the ones not interested in fulfilling your needs — in or out of the bedroom.

For good-looking women, it becomes a challenge to break this pattern from younger years. Driven by low self-esteem, you choose men who are emotionally unavailable, cheat, or break up with you after only a few weeks or months — and then you begin to repeat the cycle.

One woman I coached was super smart, gorgeous, had money, and was living an exciting life. Yet, over and over again, friends and family members were shocked to see her continually date men who didn’t treat her well and were obviously not in her league.

Another client I worked with had a wonderful, adventurous spirit and loved dating. She had a dream to settle down and have children. But her dating life didn’t bring her this dream — her relationships started out exciting, she’d sleep with the man after one or two dates, and then all would come to an abrupt halt when the new guy either cheated or broke up with her.

Until we took a deep look at her long-held and limiting beliefs, she couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t getting to live her dream of marriage and family… she just didn’t see the destructive patterns that she had developed throughout her entire life.

Both of these clients were successful in every other area of their life, but their love lives kept falling apart. Neither could understand why the things that had brought them success everywhere else (drive, determination, business smarts, etc.) were not helping them experience successful romantic relationships.

What men really want

Ultimately, down to their core, men want a virtuous woman, not a woman who plays her “Sex Card” first – outwardly and overtly for any man to ogle at — that’s the “one-night-stand” woman. A man really wants the type of woman he can introduce to his parents.

A quote by the famous director Alfred Hitchcock is an accurate reflection of how the majority of men feel:

“I’ve never been very keen on women who hang their sex ‘round their neck’ like baubles. I think it should be discovered. It’s more interesting to discover the sex in a woman than it is to have it thrown at you.”

So what do men consider “virtuous”? Let’s take a look:

  • She is sensual, not sexual
  • She is supremely confident about who she is as a person first
  • She has high standards and clear boundaries
  • She keeps the bar raised high on what she wants
  • She knows she is worthy and deserving to be with a man who treats her very well (and settles for nothing less)

So how do you shift into this way of being? Here are 4 ways to get you started:

  1. Take time to get to know a man before you become intimate. You get to set the timeline when (and If) that happens.
  2. If you’re compromising in just one (or many) ways with men, see where you can raise your standards. It doesn’t have to be a huge leap right away, baby steps work just fine.
  3. Take yourself out of the dating game to do some inner-healing. Trying to break old, destructive patterns while continuing to date will slow your progress down. It’s best to heal first, then re-enter the dating scene when you feel more secure and stronger.
  4. You, beautiful lady, deserve to be appreciated for every aspect of who you are and this starts with you — the way you feel about yourself, what you believe you are worth, and the “card” you play in the game of romance.

Not sure where to start with releasing jealousy, insecurity, and limiting beliefs?  I have helped hundreds of women with this exact same issue and I would love for you to be my next success story (it’s easier than you think!) Check out my Queen of Hearts Service Menu and let’s map out a plan that will get you on the path to feeling empowered in a relationship with a man.

If you found this article helpful, e-mail it to two friends that you think would benefit from it. Then, make sure you’re on the e-mail list to get bi-weekly tips to help your love life.

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