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The Holidays are a wonderful time for celebration, but if you’re single, you might be dreading the thought of being backed into a corner at family gatherings and forced to answer the question; “I don’t understand why you’re still single?” Ouch! Friends, family and co-workers have no idea their committing a major social faux pas and how uncomfortable it makes you feel. So today, I’m sharing insights and tips for both those asking this question and those on the receiving end.
I’m passionate about shedding light on this because, as a coach, it’s a common issue clients want help with every year at this time. I have to admit, nothing ignites the protective Mama Bear in me more after a day of listening to women share the pain activated from relatives and friends making this social blunder at work, with friends and family gatherings.
For friends, co-workers and family members asking “Why are you still single?”:
I understand you may think you’re being supportive; in reality it has the opposite effect. For one, if they knew why they were single, they probably wouldn’t still be single, yes? Awareness brings healing and that healing is what clears the path to create the opening for a soulmate to arrive on their doorstep. The awareness has not happened yet so you’re asking a question (you now know) they don’t have an answer to.
Secondly, it’s painfully awkward. For example, how would you respond if someone from your social circle asked: “I don’t understand why you’ve put on so much weight?” Pretty offensive, yes? The same feelings of, shame, anger and defensiveness get kicked up for a single people when they’re backed into a corner and forced to respond to a similar question about their relationship status.
And lastly, you’re most likely asking this question from a place that implies there IS something wrong if you’re NOT in a relationship. Please know, it’s not very kind to place judgment or your own beliefs about what the “ideal” is onto another person.
Read on for more about that…
For Single People:
There are as many reasons as stars in the sky why you’re unattached at the moment. You could be taking a break to get to know more about what you want, “shopping” around or working with a coach to deal with some deeper issues.
Even if you are powerfully choosing to fully enjoy time on your own right now – in a weak moment and asked in the wrong way – “Why are you still single?” can easily send you into a downward spiral.
Often people make this social faux pas because they’re actually projecting their own life and relationship issues/fears/concerns ON to you. From what I’ve observed, this is the case 99% of the time. When someone is in pain and not ready to deal with it, the easiest way to avoid the pain is to distract themselves by focusing on another person’s issues instead – in this case – your relationship status.
But the GREAT news is , I’ve developed the perfect, classy way for YOU to respond to this insensitive question. Check out my fool proof method guaranteed to put people in their place and walk away with your head held high:
Step 1 Don’t freeze
Instead, take a breath and remember this person is projecting his or her own fears about relationships ON to you. It’s not your responsibility to take on someone else’s “stuff”. So just breathe and smile.
Step 2 Up Your Vibe
Tap into the most joyous, happy feelings you can muster in the moment. If you like, envision an invisible shield around you all glowing, golden and warm – know you are loved.
Step 3 Let er Rip!
Now, from this relaxed, high vibration place respond with the following:
Friend/ Family Member: “I don’t understand why you stopped dating that person you were with? They seemed so nice and I just can’t figure out why you’re still single?”
You: “You know, I have no idea why I’m single but, boy oh boy I’m sure GLAD I am!!! I get to wake up when I want, spend and save my money as I choose, I don’t have to answer to anyone AND hog the entire bed every night – how GREAT is that! I LOVE having this time on my own – I’ve never been SO happy!”
You can imagine the look on their face when you come back with this high vibration response! Certainly not what their used to by any stretch and works like magic – every time. What you’ll notice right away is those in your social circle will rarely bring up the subject with you – most often never again.
No more deflecting or being put in a position where you have to explain something you don’t have the answer to. I highly recommend practicing exactly what you’ll say by yourself and in front of a mirror so you get comfortable with the words and energy.
It’s one thing to do this on your own, and you will certainly get results. However, it’s even more accelerated when you have an expert holding your hand and powerfully guiding you onto the fast path to Soulmate Success. If you like the sound of that, then I invite you to apply for a complimentary session with me so we can remove the blocks and get you set up for a summer of LOVE. Grab your application today!
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