What To Do When You’re Just Not Into Them…


Have you ever been in a situation where either you or the person you were dating was more invested in the relationship? In my experience with clients – this scenario is more common than you might think, and most people have no idea how to navigate through it.

To help you with this, I’m sharing a question on this topic that one of my readers sent in the other day –including how I responded so you receive the benefit of my tips and guidance.

Q. Kim, I’ve just come out of 2 relationships that weren’t so great. One was short, the other one was fairly serious and I’m now with a man who treats me very well. I know this guy is serious about me and I mean a great deal to him. I know he’s thinking long term but, to be honest, I know he’s not the “one” for me. I’m very passionate about life, and he’s very passive. I love finally being treated like a queen and feeling appreciated – is it right to continue on with this? You’ve said life is a journey and every relationship is an opportunity to grow, I just don’t know what to do.

A. I do feel life is a journey and every relationship is an opportunity to grow. There’s a famous saying that goes “People are in our lives for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime”. I would say this guy is in your life for a REASON – and that reason is for you to have the experience of being treated well and appreciated.

It sounds like this hasn’t happened for you in your past relationships and is a clear sign that you now realize you DESERVE to be treated well. This is great news!

As far as staying with him, I think in your heart of hearts you already know the answer. If the shoe were on the other foot, if you were in love with someone and they didn’t feel the same way you would want to know the truth. It’s great that you’ve achieved this new level of deservingness, and now that you have, I would strongly recommend telling the truth to this man and moving on.

The top 3 reasons people don’t leave a relationship that isn’t working are:

  1. Being alone again
  2. They won’t find someone else
  3. Hurting the other person

So many times I’ve witnessed the slow deterioration of a relationship when someone was less interested in the other person – and only staying with them for the above 3 reasons. Of course it never works because the person who is less interested eventually loses respect for their partner and starts to take them for granted.

This happens not because you’re a bad person, but more because you don’t have anything at stake.

When you’re in love, the stakes are high. Out of that comes the ability to value the other person and a much deeper level of commitment is present. You’re willing to do whatever it takes to make it work – all the necessary components that fuel the flame of love and keep it alive.

I know it will hurt him and you may have to spend a few Saturday nights on your own. In the long run, this is a small price to pay for telling the truth and opening up the pathway for a man who is BOTH passionate in life and treats you like a queen!

This is only one of many ways to navigate the ever changing landscape of dating and relationships. If you’re ready for more, come and join me and a gathering of North America’s TOP experts Oct/ 20th as we reveal our secrets for dating success.

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